Love

Love is a wondrous thing. It can lift a broken heart, settle a fluttery stomach, release hope into a hopeless life, help me stand in the winds of life and not fall. How does love do it? How can the love of other people carry us onward through days veiled in fear and anxiety, depression and shame? Obstacles where once seen as a hardship can also be seen as steps to recovery...a chance to move on in another direction, to face new challenges and walk tall again. They come not to taunt us, but to allow us to change, grow and face lessons. Lessons that need to be learned now, not to be hidden from. Stepping back into Oregon after 6 months of being home with my parents is a daunting task, and one that I have had to change my perceptions with...allow a paradigm shift. A miracle is going to happen, I have had to tell myself. I am not allowing fear to rule me, and I am not a victim to my circumstances. Convincing myself of this, of course, is a struggle. I have closure to make, I have love to take, and I will give what I have to allow myself to grow into the woman I am to be. I want to be free of this, but I want to be able to allow myself not to be free. I want to be able to be sick and still walk. Have Bi Polar and still help people, walk tall, be at peace. I want to write of hell and encourage those who cannot imagine being free of the flames of a hope that will lift them into peace. Love...what a wondrous thing. It is something that I have not yet learned to put my trust in completely, but I am learning. It is the love of my parents that has lifted me up when I could not love myself. It is the love of my parents that has allowed me to walk in the darkness of depression and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope to love like that and walk with people through their darkness. There is an end. I am not there yet but it is coming.