Nap time has come upon us, and I am soaking up every minute to just get my barrings. I dreaded coming to work so much that I was up for a good part of the night. Wrote part of a new song out of all my anxiety so I am making lemonade out of lemons, or so they say. I am pretty sure I am overwhelmed by more than just work. I am overwhelmed about starting school again, about being far from my parents, about getting a set workout schedule that will allow me to lose the damn weight I gained from my last episode. I am afraid to fail. I am most certainly not feeling that Baltimore is where I am supposed to be and that is also making me feel that I am a waste of space. Two of my close friends, one my best friend and the other super close and both my roommates, are moving out. The new roommies are super nice and lovely and wonderful to talk to and live with but change and I do not get along. I curled up in a ball last night as a thunderstorm raged around my house and began to cry as I texted another close friend. I just don't know how far I have come....it doesn't seem that I have come far at all. It felt good to cry, but I was asked a question....do I feel restlessness or anxiousness? I think it is more anxiousness, fear to fail, fear to love the skin I am in, fear to become someone who no longer fears, or leans on fear to push them forward. I long to trust God in all the things I do. He is faithful to keep that which you entrust to Him. He never hurts our hearts...or does he? Maybe he allows me to be struck with paralyzing anxiety because it pushes me closer to Him. Today I am taking it one minute at a time. Learning to live in the moment, while still being responsible with my future.