Just some thoughts...

I am in Columbia, Maryland. It is about 30 min from my house and I am here to meet a friend to study. It is the first time I have tried to study in a coffee shop and so far it is already too distracting for me...but I know most of the material I am here to study, and I am meeting a friend who is dear to me AND I am not in my house. I have two more tests and a final exam and a formal lab report due and then I am done with my first semester of school. I am getting my pre recs done slowly but surely and this winter I will knockout my computer pre rec. I just want to say for the record that I love school. I LOVE IT! It keeps me out of drama, it keeps me in a structured environment, it keeps me sane as life is changing all around me. I think I would suggest school to anyone suffering from a mental illness who wants to get their feet under them again. If you put the time in, it really proves worth it all. Plus you meet people who are serious about studying and about getting their lives together, and everyone has goals. But I received the best advice from my roommate at the beginning of the semester..."You are not there to make friends, Melissa." I start to get into the drama of the lives I am meeting but then I remember that friends are a bonus but I am not there to be popular. I am there to learn and to be challenged. And believe me...I am being challenged. It is out of control...haha! I am taking Biology which is the pre rec for the other Biology classes I need to take. I got a 79.5% on my first test and the average grade of the class of 42 students was 44%. On the last two tests I have gotten a 90.7% and a 90.5% and test #4 is coming up in two weeks. I only missed 4 questions on my last test....I really think aiming to get a 100% is reasonable as long as I keep some balance in my life. Well let me tell you about balance. My shrink is amazing. Probably too amazing to be called shrink. He is like a small God...hahaha! Anyway he knows me better than I know myself and sees that my studying until 9 at the library EVERY night with no exercise is not balanced. Having Bi Polar, I am already a little unbalanced....hahaha....or should I say A TON unbalanced.....but he wants me on a new sleep schedule so I can add workouts to my life. Since I have been in school I have not set foot in the gym and it has been almost 7 weeks.....YIKES. So since I have such a hard time sleeping, getting tired, sleeping through the night, being rested we decided to try a new drug, Trazadone. I have been on it since tuesday and I already get feel a difference in that I am actually rested when I wake up. I have not gotten in the morning workouts yet but I will get there. Anyway, this week I tried to balance seeing friends, work AND school and studying. I feel TERRIBLE. I feel like a slacker that is well rested. hahah! So I am not randomly crying at the slightest change in schedule or thought of going grocery shopping but I like to study. I like to be in the library until sunset, eat my dinner out of a plastic baggie, and hide on the 4th floor with my nose in the books. Tomorrow I am back in study mode. I am going to attempt to get myself to work out but I can't juggle studying for an hour, then meeting a friend for 2 hours to drive home to study for an hour. I need to be in one spot studying for 4 hours with 10 min breaks in between. I am in a groove and I am gonna get back in it. I am gonna continue my going to tutoring twice or 3 times a week, going to office hours 3 times a week, and studying in my 3 to 4 hour chunks in the library with my studious friends. Right now, those friends are a group of math and computer majors from Cameroon, Africa. It is so cool to meet people who love to study too...who are serious students and who I can study with.

Anyway, that is all for now....more to come later....