Closure

Closure is a strange thing. Sometimes it can be forever in coming, and other times it comes at the drop of a hat. With my recent episode 9 months behind me, I can say that there has been some closure that has been a long time coming. It started with apology letters to those I hurt along the way, then some emails and friendships have been reestablished. Next I made a few phone calls and talked out some frustrations, creating peace in my heart. Then there were the 2 months of therapy and the trip to the hospital with Dad for his procedure that proved that all those months of therapy worked. I could walk into an ER and not go into a panic attack. Next was writing the hospital that I went to and thanking them for forgiving my $15,000 debt. My latest bit of closure was calling the hospital to get the address I could send a thank you card to my Doctor from the psyche ward and the social worker that worked with me those nine days on the ward. I called and got the Doc's address and then they transferred me to the 5th floor to speak to a nurse on how to contact my social worker. There I was being transferred to the unit that caused so much grief and healing all at the same time. The tears began to form before anyone picked up the phone. I felt this wave of gratitude flow over me. If I had not made it to the hospital I would have probably taken my own life, or close to it. The nurse picked up and I asked for my social worker...she's been transferred to another area in the hospital but we can forward your letter to her...then I broke. The tears just flowed. "Thank you so much for all you do. If it was not for you guys I would not be here today." The nurse who's voice sounded hard and serious when she picked up softened. "Well I am glad you are doing better." I hung up the phone and cried and cried. "It was so terrible," I whimpered to God as I stood in my dining room, "so terrible." But as the tears stopped I felt a little bit stronger. One more step on the path of healing had been taken with that call. My fear lept out at me when they transferred me at first but with contact and tears and words I just felt stronger. It's getting better...it really is.