Weight

I have gained 70 to 80 pounds since my last episode. I was atleast 100 pounds maybe 90 at my worst anorexic state but my usual weight is 135. I know that may be a little on the skinny side but my matabolizm is fast as all get out and so I have never been more than 145 unless my body is rebounding from an anorexic episode with Bi Polar Disorder.

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid for my Dear friend Rob's wedding and it is in 4 months. April is a mere 4 months away and I have not lost a pound. I came home 178 and am now 170 and can't go lower. I have started walking, watching my food, getting good sleep, but I am on lithium which does not help with the weight loss. The Doctors say "well you are older now..." blah blah blah..I turn 28 on thursday. I am not 45...come on! Anyway I will tell you that I am more discouraged now than I have been in a long time. I have worked so hard in therapy, in journaling, in mood watching, and now weight. LIFE JUST DOES NOT LET UP! I just broke down in tears to mom and then we all prayed in my room after I made a tearful call to a good girlfriend. Dad, Mom and I prayed for God's will to be done in ALL of this...not just the wedding. I will walk down the isle for Rob and Jainnie, I just wish I could see myself the way they see me.