Fear

Fear "an unpleasant feeling aroused by the threat of danger, evil, or pain." That is the definition of a word that I am trying desperately to overcome...a noun, a thing, a lie...many lies! What is the threat of danger, evil, or pain that is arousing such unpleasant feelings? I am not sure how I step into this day with such feelings being aroused, but I know that each day it is getting easier. Darkness was something that I was thrown into by a lethal illness that almost took my life, but now on the other side I am left questioning...what was it for? What deeper meaning did it play in my life and how to I learn from it in the end? All I desire is to be a woman of faith and a woman of wisdom. I seek daily to find ways to reconcile the different roads I have been down, some of my own doing and others the doing of this illness. I stand on two different rocks at this point...one is the Rock of Ages who is unchanging and faithful and the other is a rock of uncertainty. The rock of uncertainty seems to hold me with more strength than the Rock of Ages and I feel this has much to do with the fact that freedom in Him is often scary when we have been in bondage for so long. It is easy to stay connected to the world and what hurts even though freedom is just a rock away, a stepping stone just next door. 1John 4:18 says There's no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. I often wonder how I can be made in perfect love if I still fear, if I still choose the rock of uncertainty over the Rock of Ages. It is a puzzle that I will be putting together for a long time I believe, but I will not put the puzzle aside until each piece is unturned and placed in it's rightful spot.