Grief: n. Deep sorrow.

Even as the cheer of winter and holiday comes, grief has come as well. This year it comes in a gift wrapped package with ribbons and bows, fat santas frolic on the paper, while little children run in papery snow. The package is warm but what lies within I need to deal with. Without dealing with the loss of what has happened to me this year, I will be unable to deal with the joy the new year may bring if I allow it to touch me. My heart has been broken wide open and the only positive thing I can say is now I can let more love come in once I have dealt with the pain...maybe even while I deal with the pain. Limitations come with Bipolar Disorder. Limitations that seem possible to handle to anyone, yet after "freedom" of a manic episode, or the depths of depression, these limitations can cause us to grieve. No longer able to stay up late to party with friends, or have deep conversations, no longer able to drink or smoke, no longer able to have a free flowing life, structure must be laid out for those of us to suffer from this illness for our own wellbeing. It can be overwhelming what changes must occur to resolve an episode that brought such chaos. But it is almost Christmas, and it is time to allow grief to come and settle, stay for the night and share tea in the morning. This mourning will be over soon and with it will come a joy so genuine and true, even paper Santa will smile through the ribbon encased package he now frolics on.