The Therapy Always Helps My Sanity

I am in therapy right now. It is very intensive. I am being seen by a doctor with the heart the size of Manhattan...actually Connecticut. She works with a style counseling that focuses on memories. It has been fascinating to work in such new ways. It has also been extremely painful. I sit in the chair and talk with her. I tell her all about my day and what I am now keeping track of. At this point I am working on my homework that she gave me the first session we had two months ago.

1-Consistency in Social Support
2-Behavior Activation-Pleasure, Connection, Mastery, Increase exercise
3-Omega-3...Start taking it regularly

Then I close my eyes, clear my mind and we begin the long session (3 hours) of searching deep into my mind and remembering. I am working on a goal...being able to walk back into a hospital through the ER and up into the psyche ward. It is amazing. I go through the total thought...picking up the phone to call a friend, getting in the car, driving, getting to the ER, etc. At the point in which I start to feel anxiety I stop and we start to focus on the feeling, where it is, what it feels like. Then she asks me to think of only that feeling, the center of it and then let a memory come up, positive, negative or neutral. If it is negative I think about it and then rate it from one to ten, one being least painful and ten being most. After the rating is done she has me focus on the feeling and allow a positive memory come up. In the positive memory I rate that and then see how much of the negative emotions are there. Zero is usually the answer. We then go back and forth from negative memory to positive memory until the pain of the negative memory is at a zero and all the positive feelings from the positive memory are still there. This is how I have been spending my weeks back in NY with my family. I go at least once a week maybe twice and work my butt off. It has been amazing how far I have come these past months. I have been terrified of the hospital but I am able now to in my mind, get to the ER and almost walk in the doors. There is still more work to be done. But I am grateful for all the work that is happening no matter how painful it is. Some of my negative memories have been rated at 45's with me crying in a heap in the chair. But with the positive memories there to turn off the pain of the negative old memories I am able to keep it up and trust my Doctor in all that she is doing to help me get better.